What does one come on earth to do? We each must be born to do something right? Lets put karma aside for now, for that will make us question this from a new perspective altogether.
When we are brand new we are not very different from animals. We just strive to stay alive. After one point, i lose sight of that point here, we get confused. Sometimes that confusion doesn't last very long. Some of us find a purpose in life. Those people may tend to find a career or activity which they are passionate about. So they are naturally very good at it and are at peace when it comes to their life's work.
But is this really our purpose in life? Is finding our love in being a doctor or being a model or being in the culinary industry the end of the search for the reason we are born?
I am a confused person. I used to be able to sit in one place and be at peace with my own thoughts. But over time, and probably over life I have grown to be ridiculously restless. I did not finish my course in Chartered Accountancy because of so many reasons. Or apparent reasons one may say. I lost the grit and determination that one must have to slog it out and reach the finish line. I stopped somewhere three fourths of the way. I took a shortcut out of the treacherous pool and took to marriage. At this stage i still didn't know where i was headed. I mean atleast one may have the guts to say that they didn't want to pursue CA and look at something else perhaps. But i still gave it one more shot during the stage of marital bliss that lasts about 6 months. As one may guess, i didn't get through. Atleast by now i should have admitted to myself that i didnt want to do it. I do not know whom i was trying to impress or what was the point in still hoping that someday i will get through. I had successfully spent 5 years in being unsuccessful at something i detest by now. I got a job after that half hearted attempt in the exam. While at the interview itself i kept telling myself that this is just a temp job, im not supposed to be here (remember chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S).
I resigned 2 years and a baby later only to find that i was now in that dreaded comfort zone. No amount of inspirational videos about women who multi task inspite of entering motherhood and of successful women entrepreneurs, pushed me towards finding my calling in the job market.
I realised that with my good language skills i could get another job like i did 2 years earlier, but i had already had a taste of that life. Now i had a baby in tow too.
There were many individuals i had met in my workplace who were just plain steadfast in their jobs, gaining promotions, hikes and bonuses just because they did not think about whether is this what they want or are they spending their lives meaningfully? These people i realised were most happy. Happy and content robots. Many a times i concluded that its easiest to suck it up and just become a rat in the race myself.
Today, im a demotivated, guilty, overweight woman who wonders what her actual calling is. I can continue to live this life without any discipline or a short term goal. Or find something even if its not enjoyable and do it so there is a routine associated with life.
My favourite line is "i dont know". I know i am intelligent. I just dont know how to channel it. I know i am a jack of all trades. But i dont know in which trade i will shine. I dont know when i will wake up from this stupor. But i do know that i must.
When we are brand new we are not very different from animals. We just strive to stay alive. After one point, i lose sight of that point here, we get confused. Sometimes that confusion doesn't last very long. Some of us find a purpose in life. Those people may tend to find a career or activity which they are passionate about. So they are naturally very good at it and are at peace when it comes to their life's work.
But is this really our purpose in life? Is finding our love in being a doctor or being a model or being in the culinary industry the end of the search for the reason we are born?
I am a confused person. I used to be able to sit in one place and be at peace with my own thoughts. But over time, and probably over life I have grown to be ridiculously restless. I did not finish my course in Chartered Accountancy because of so many reasons. Or apparent reasons one may say. I lost the grit and determination that one must have to slog it out and reach the finish line. I stopped somewhere three fourths of the way. I took a shortcut out of the treacherous pool and took to marriage. At this stage i still didn't know where i was headed. I mean atleast one may have the guts to say that they didn't want to pursue CA and look at something else perhaps. But i still gave it one more shot during the stage of marital bliss that lasts about 6 months. As one may guess, i didn't get through. Atleast by now i should have admitted to myself that i didnt want to do it. I do not know whom i was trying to impress or what was the point in still hoping that someday i will get through. I had successfully spent 5 years in being unsuccessful at something i detest by now. I got a job after that half hearted attempt in the exam. While at the interview itself i kept telling myself that this is just a temp job, im not supposed to be here (remember chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S).
I resigned 2 years and a baby later only to find that i was now in that dreaded comfort zone. No amount of inspirational videos about women who multi task inspite of entering motherhood and of successful women entrepreneurs, pushed me towards finding my calling in the job market.
I realised that with my good language skills i could get another job like i did 2 years earlier, but i had already had a taste of that life. Now i had a baby in tow too.
There were many individuals i had met in my workplace who were just plain steadfast in their jobs, gaining promotions, hikes and bonuses just because they did not think about whether is this what they want or are they spending their lives meaningfully? These people i realised were most happy. Happy and content robots. Many a times i concluded that its easiest to suck it up and just become a rat in the race myself.
Today, im a demotivated, guilty, overweight woman who wonders what her actual calling is. I can continue to live this life without any discipline or a short term goal. Or find something even if its not enjoyable and do it so there is a routine associated with life.
My favourite line is "i dont know". I know i am intelligent. I just dont know how to channel it. I know i am a jack of all trades. But i dont know in which trade i will shine. I dont know when i will wake up from this stupor. But i do know that i must.
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